I smell stomach acid.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
