We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
