Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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