You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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