Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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