He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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