I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
