Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
