Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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