no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
