Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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