Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
