The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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