anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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