That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
