Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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