New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just high enough for therapy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
