I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
