i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
