There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
