What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
