Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
