It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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