lets start a swedish sibling band together
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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