I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
