Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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