Did I show you my penis last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
