I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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