Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
