I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm having to shit out rocks
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
