I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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