Someone shit on the floor
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
