just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
