He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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