I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
