I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Randomize
