I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
