I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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