How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
