Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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