You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
