Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
