So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
