Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
