i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
