All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
