You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
