My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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