I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
