can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
